"I could never do what you do"

“I could never do what you do.”

“I wouldn’t be able to give them back.”

“It would be too hard.”

“Don’t you feel sad when they leave?”

“I’ve heard that there’s a very big need for that.”

These are words that I hear everyday. From friends, family, and complete strangers. I dislike those words, but every time I hear them I smile because I know them too well. Before my ears heard these words, my mouth said them. I truly believed that I wouldn’t make a good foster parent. In my mind I imagined a woman who had it all together physically, mentally, and emotionally. She basically wore a cape and could handle anything. I’m not this woman, and that’s okay. I don’t need to wear a cape because I’m not a savior. I may not have it all together, but who really does? I don’t have the best car, I rent my home, and I don’t make a ton of money. None of that matters. What makes a good foster parent? Love, understanding, and compassion.

“I could never do what you do.” You probably could. What you mean is fostering would be really hard and you would feel uncomfortable. Yes, it is hard, but also very worth it. I love comfort. There was a time when I sat back and enjoyed my life in a very different way than I do now. Back then I had my eyes closed to the harsh world around me. I didn’t want to open them because then I would have to do something. I wanted to live in ignorance and enjoy the bliss of not having to take care of others around me. It sounds nice, but God quickly opened my eyes and I’m so glad he did. 

And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me. 

Matthew 18: 5

Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, [and] to keep himself unspotted from the world.

James 1: 27

But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.

James 1:22

“I wouldn’t be able to give them back.” There were time when I was packing up all of a child's belonging and I still said that to myself: How can I do this? How will I be able to say goodbye when I’m so attached? Faith. My God’s plan for our children’s lives are better than the life we could give them. That goes to any type of parent not just foster. This was the plan all along. We trust God with our children’s lives because he knows best.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:9

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3: 5-6 

“It would be too hard.” Get ready, because I’m about to lay down some harsh truths. Yes, it will be hard. Do you know who it’s harder on? The kids. They didn’t choose this life, but they are facing it through no fault of their own. They are braving a world of uncertainty in hopes of a soft place to land. YOU could be that soft place. Stop assuming that there are other people to help and understand that you are the right person. There are around 6,000 children in West Virginia in the foster care system. It’s time to step up and put the kids before ourselves. They didn’t choose this life, but we can choose to be a part of theirs. 

“Don’t you feel sad when they leave?” I do, because I get attached. How could you keep a child in your home for several months and never have a connection with them? And would that really be beneficial to the child? Of course not! Little ones need attachment more than adults need protected from it. When you let down the shields you’ll see a child grow and overcome obstacles. Trust begins to form, and you’ll realize that the attachment that you were once afraid of isn’t so scary. I couldn’t imagine never knowing all eight of my kids. I’ve said goodbye to seven of them and I have no regrets. We provided a safe place, a warm bed, listening ears and an understanding heart. In our home they got what they needed. I trust God in their future. 

“I’ve heard there’s a very big need for that.” Why yes there is! Are you ready to change a child's life? Are you interested in becoming a foster parent? I would love to answer your questions and tell you more.